Getting lost in nostalgia

I spent some time with some old friends last night.  And by old friends, I mean friends I haven't seen or hardly even talked to since graduating high school almost four years ago.  And by friends, I guess I should say acquaintences.  People that were once a part of my life, who knew my secrets, and who for some reason, I still feel the obligatory need to stay connected.  Regardless of the fact that I have no idea where my path will take me in six months, I still have yet to completely cut out the people in my life who do nothing to benefit my life.

The more time I spent with these "friends," the more I remembered why I kept my distance over the years.  Even when we had been in contact, I still tried to separate myself from them.  It's hard to believe that all this time away from the pettiness of high school did nothing to help them grow out of their shallow, self-absorbed habits.  I sat quietly most of the night, observing and hoping that I had never and would never be completely a part of their world.

What is it about us that makes us cling to the past?  It's like pulling out an old shoebox full of ticket stubs, photographs, and notes...we hid them away for a reason, but upon seeing them again after a long period of time, we are filled with a sense of nostalgia.  We long for the time when these items meant something to us, made us happy, and even though we know that our present is better without them, we still occasionally hope to go back in time. 


This year, as I pack away and sort out my things for my life after college, I think it is also time to stash away the people that don't need to be there.  Selfish friends, old loves, and insignificant grudges.  It's time to empty the shoebox in order to make room for the important memories waiting to fill it. 

"The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past."
 -Robertson Davies

And so it begins...

Looking forward to the future is something that is impossible to prevent, especially when the present seems to be stuck in a never changing rut. Going to a small college for four years definitely does not add to the feeling of being suspended in time. However, with the idea of graduation and the unknown looming ahead, it is time to consider where I, as well as my friends, will end up come May. Scary, right? For the past 21 years, I have always had some sense of what I would be doing or where I would be going, that is until now.

In trying to figure out my future, it has caused me to reflect back a lot on my life throughout the past three and a half years here at school. This reflection has without a doubt been extremely beneficial, for it has allowed me to see how much I have truly grown, as well as how much more room there is for me to continue to grow. I've often found that writing is a great way to not only get one's thoughts down but also to really looking inside a person and find out convictions and beliefs that had not been brought to the surface before. Thus, I'm hoping that this blog will help be a link between what I've learned from the past, what I experience in the present, and what I look forward to in the future.

"Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be."
- Marsha Petrie Sue